i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
