I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
