is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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