i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
