you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
