Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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