We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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