I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
