eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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