8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you made out with another girl for some wings
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
