Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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