I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Say something about gay babies.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
