I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Drunk is not a location!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
