Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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