nut hugger
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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