question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
