When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
