Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
