I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
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