I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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