so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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