i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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