We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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