I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's Friday. Sex?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
