It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
