whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
