somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
