I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
