It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
