You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
