Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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