Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
