Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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