1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
