even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
