i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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