I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
