yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
