I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
