We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
