I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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