Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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