If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
