Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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