We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish you could order shots online.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
