That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
