allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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