You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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