She is in my trunk
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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