Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Help. Why am I so naked?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
