We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
