ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
