I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
